Holding Space: Supporting Teens with Exam Stress

Today, I’m here to explore how we can truly support teens with exam stress, not just through revision timetables or productivity hacks, but by leaning into emotional intelligence. By focusing on calm, connection, and understanding, we can create the supportive environment our teens need to thrive during exam season.

Let’s face it, exam season is an overwhelming time for everyone. Teens are under enormous pressure, and as parents, it’s easy to feel unsure or even powerless. We often worry we’re not doing enough… or doing too much. Sometimes we fear saying the wrong thing and making it worse. But what if, instead of focusing solely on results, we started with what’s going on beneath the surface?

Supporting Teens with Exam Stress

For teens, this stress isn’t just about grades. It’s about identity. About fear of failure. About comparison with peers and uncertainty about the future. And all of this is happening during a time when their brains are still developing, especially the parts responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making.

That’s why stress in teens doesn’t always manifest in the way we expect. It isn’t always tears or anger. Sometimes it’s slamming doors. Sarcasm. Silence. Withdrawing from the things they usually enjoy. These sideways expressions of stress are normal. They’re also signals that something deeper is happening.

So, how do we support them? It begins with us.

Start with Your Own Emotional Intelligence

The first step is tuning into your own emotional intelligence. Being self-aware. Notice your own anxiety around their performance. Are you carrying fear about what it means for their future? It’s so easy to project these feelings without realising. Take a breath. Pause. It’s time to support and let go.

We need to be their emotional thermostat, not their thermometer. That means staying steady, modelling calmness, and creating an environment at home that feels safe and grounded. If things don’t go well, let it be a learning moment for them, not a crisis for us.

Support Without Fixing

One of the most powerful things we can offer our teens is empathy. That’s right: listening without fixing. Not jumping in with advice or panic. Just being with them in their experience. Saying things like, “That sounds really overwhelming,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” gives them space to feel seen.

Avoid minimising. “You’ll be fine!” or “You’ll do great!” or overloading them with pressure. “You need to study more.” “How are you studying? When?” Whether they appear to be or not, they are already putting themselves under enough stress.

Creating Connection

Create a safe space for your teen to share without pressure. Utilise time to connect with them.

Some of the best conversations happen in the quiet moments: a walk, a car ride, even a chat before bed. These little windows of connection are where they might just open up. If they mention something they’re struggling with, try asking, “I wonder if I can help?” or “Is there anything you need from me right now?”

It’s not about fixing their stress. It’s about showing them they don’t have to carry it alone.

Gentle Tools, Not Pressure

When supporting teens with exam stress, offer practical help, but let them take the lead in making the plan. Be their guide, not their project manager. Ask if they’d like help building a study schedule or just someone to bounce ideas off. Then step back and let them steer.

Offer micro-moments of calm: a cup of tea, a quiet snack, some gentle humour. These small gestures remind them they’re not alone, and that life isn’t all about exams.

Encourage breaks, sleep, and yes, even TV time. Often, we treat rest as laziness, but science tells us otherwise. Sleep, especially after studying, helps transfer short-term learning into long-term memory. So that nap after revision? It’s actually productive.

Instead of pushing for perfection, aim for consistency. Routine and reassurance will always be more effective than pressure and panic.

A Few Words That Go a Long Way

You don’t need a script, but sometimes a simple phrase can ground your teen in a moment of stress:

“You’re doing the best you can, and I’m here for you, no matter what happens on that test.”
“You don’t have to be a perfect parent—you just have to be present.”
“Is there any way I can support you? Let me know I am here.”
“What things are going well?”
“What are you learning about that you’re enjoying? Can you teach me any of it? I’d love to learn.”

If they bring up an area they are struggling with, respond with an open-ended question: “I wonder if I can help?”

Your calm presence is one of the most powerful study tools they have.

Remember: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. Just Present

You’re bound to have moments when you slip, when you snap or worry or accidentally pile on the pressure. That’s okay. Just notice it, and reset.

My mantra for you this exam season? Hold space. Stay connected. Trust your teen and the process.

If you do those things, you will create the environment your teen needs to be most successful.

🖤 Dr. H

Check out our podcast episode on this topic and more on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Don’t forget to share it with someone you love.

Get in touch

If you have specific questions or a topic you'd like me to cover, please share it with me by emailing drhollysymons@outlook.com.  

If you're ready for more, head to my course, Bringing Emotional Intelligence into the Home, or attend one of my webinars or a live event.