Emotional Intelligence: What is it and Why Does it Matter?

If you've heard the term 'emotional intelligence' but are unsure what it means, you're not alone! Emotional intelligence as a concept was first explored by Maslow in the 1950s and subsequently introduced a few times over the next 40 years in psychological literature. 

The term' emotional intelligence' gained widespread recognition in the 1990s, thanks to Daniel Goleman's influential article in the New York Times, which brought the concept to the forefront of public awareness. Emotional intelligence has been studied in more depth ever since. The best part is that research continuously shows that high emotional intelligence strongly correlates with success and happiness in life. But why is that? What does it mean, and how do you get it? In this blog post, I'll share how Daniel Goleman's theory breaks down the term "emotional intelligence." 

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise and regulate your emotions in everyday interactions. According to Goleman, there are five key areas of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, social skills, empathy, and motivation. The reason these matter is that research has shown that high emotional intelligence is a greater predictor of success in your field than IQ, and who doesn't want to be successful? 

Let's break these key areas down and explore what they mean to us individually. 

Self-awareness

The first area of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Self- or inner-awareness is the ability to know yourself, and not just on a surface level. For example, "I like to play tennis and be around people." 

Self-awareness is a deeper understanding of who you are, your life and experiences thus far and how they have impacted you. It is about how your brain thinks and goes about the world. This means understanding whether you are a naturally positive or negative person, how much sleep you need, what type of weather you prefer or how much alone time you need. It also means knowing what makes you angry, sad, jealous, etc., and your preferred coping skills for those emotions. 

Are you someone who feels overwhelmed easily? What happens in your body when you are overwhelmed, and how do you handle it? The more you know about yourself and your triggers, the easier the next steps become. 

Self-regulation

The next area of emotional intelligence is self- or inner- regulation. Inner regulation is learning how to regulate your sympathetic nervous system. We are wired with an incredible fight, flight, fawn and freeze response that protects us when we are in real danger. The problem is we aren't in life-threatening danger that often these days, but our nervous system can't tell the difference between stress and life-threatening stress. Getting good at regulating our emotions and stress levels is up to us. 

The long-term activation of the stress response system triggers the release of cortisol in our bodies, and repeated occurrences make it difficult to eliminate cortisol, leading to a prolonged state of high stress. But the amazing thing is we don't have to live this way! We can regulate our emotions in any situation by learning a few specific tools.

A great example of this is utilising our breath to slow everything down and alert our brain that we are safe and calm. My favourite is five-finger breathing. Hold one hand out, and with your other hand, trace each finger up as you take a deep breath in, and trace each finger down as you breathe out. Continue this through all five fingers. 

Social skills

The next key area Goleman talks about is social skills. Social skills are about more than just making friends; they showcase our aptitude for active listening, conflict resolution, leadership and more. One fantastic thing about social skills is that there are so many great tools and resources out there to support growth in this area, and anyone can learn. 

Emotional intelligence and the importance of listening

When I work with clients to improve their social skills, I always start with listening skills. I believe that once we become good listeners, many doors to life swing wide open. The next time you think about social skills, think big and start with the foundation of listening. 

Empathy

Listening is not only the key to social skills, it's also massively important in gaining empathy. Empathy is a stage in Goleman's model and a critical step that often gets confused or overlooked. 

Empathy is not feeling bad for others, taking pity on them, or one-upping them with bad things that happened to you. Instead, empathy is the ability to leave your own feelings and judgement aside and really understand things from someone else's perspective. It's putting yourself in their shoes and supporting them by letting them feel heard and seen.

Have you ever had a friend that when you were around them, you felt they just got you? Like you could really be yourself, and that they understood where you were coming from? Well, that friend was showing you empathy! Many people do this without even recognising it, but it is a skill we can all hone and improve upon. 

Motivation

The last area referred to in Goleman's model is motivation. This area can be tricky, as it means having an intrinsic motivation or a purpose in your life. This area of emotional intelligence considers all of the above and gives you the drive you need to thrive. 

Intrinsic motivation is doing something because you enjoy the process. It isn't about the reward at the end. Though rewards, at times, can be helpful, this is about gaining a deep understanding of your values, goals, and higher purpose. When we have a purpose bigger than ourselves, anything is possible.

Do you want to improve your emotional intelligence?

Do you feel that you are naturally high in emotional intelligence? If so, it is likely that someone in your life supported you in building these skills from a young age. Do you feel stuck or unsure in any or all of these areas? Don't stress. Everyone can get stronger and stronger in emotional intelligence, and as we age, we change, so we all need to continuously engage in raising our emotional intelligence. 

Follow along on Instagram @raising_eq for more tips and advice, or head to my website and download my course, Bringing Emotional Intelligence into the Home.

Here's to a happier, healthier and more successful you!